Le Sigh

Never take a seasonal job during the holidays.
Period.

Lonely

Every so often, I get really sad. It's the kind of sad where I know I mustn't even speak or else I'll cry for hours.

My life with Robert is wonderful; I couldn't ask for a better, more kind and loving husband. Sometimes, though, I get so lonely because I feel like there's really no one else in my life. Although I get stressed and I always feel a little too stretched, I feel so happy when I'm home, when I can see all of my friends and family whenever I like. I miss the warmth of having so many people that love me all around. I miss the support of those people when I feel like I felt a few days ago. I know I can't move home, I would never be happy living there. Other than my family and friends, there's nothing there for me, and picking up everyone I love and dragging them around with me wherever I go just isn't an option, although wouldn't it be wonderful?

It could be that I don't have a job, and that sitting on my couch all day with no one to talk to and nothing to accomplish is just bringing me down. I feel like I have no priorities, no order, and no direction. I have no idea where my life is headed right now and I have conflicting ideas of where I want that to be. I have no motivation and no drive.

It doesn't help that we also don't have enough money to do anything save for buying groceries and paying our bills. The lack of job mentioned above is the reason being for that. I want to be able to buy my family and friends Christmas presents, but it's seeming less and less like that will be able to happen.

This entry isn't to whine or to try to gain sympathy from anyone; I only needed to write, to vent about how I feel.
I know that this feeling is only temporary and that in time I'll get back on my feet again and my crying will cease.

UPDATE:
I forgot to post some recent pictures. Here's Halloween.

Lack of..

Robert and I had a pretty hectic month this month. We got denieda house, then had a mouse infestation in the second one and then lost 1400 dollars. Fortunately, we finally found a house that we love and now that we're all settled in and it has received a fresh coat of paint, it's really starting to feel like home. The kitties are even happy about the new move.

Next on the list is finding a new job which is a necessity since we lost some money this month. I've applied at lots of places but haven't really heard anything back so I've been trying to just do something small while I wait on something better. Job hunting is hard.

Well, here are a few pictures of the new house.

...before painting...

..after painting...

...dining area...

...living room after we've painted...

Now that it's over..

On June 12, 2010 I had a beautiful, fairytale wedding.

Everyone always talks about how amazing your wedding day will be and how you'll always remember it; however, no one ever tells you how completely nervous you will get. For two days I couldn't eat and my stomach would wake me up in the morning so I was not getting my fair share of sleep either.

Once I walked down the isle everything was fine. My then fiancé, now husband however, was a nervous wreck the entire wedding.

It was beautiful though.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

If you all would like to look at pictures then feel free to check out Sarah's website.

Master Cleanse: Days 2 & 3

So far I'm feeling pretty normal. No greater or worse than usual. It's hard to help boyfriend make Chicken fettuccine alfredo when you haven't eaten in three days though.

I won't talk about the salt water flushes because it's disgusting. But those are happening as well.

I made a slushy today to mix things up a little bit. I also tried the smooth move tea last night and found it disgusting, even with lemon and maple syrup, so I think I might just stick to the SWF in the mornings.

7 days to go. :)

The Master Cleanse: Day 1

For those of you who don't know what the Master Cleanse is you can google it and find a million different websites explaining it. It's basically a 10 day fast where you don't eat anything except for lemonade made with cayenne pepper and Grade B maple syrup.

Problem # 1: I've run out of maple syrup in one day.

They say you should have 6-12 glasses of the stuff on the first day and I'm already up to 16 so maybe I should drink less tomorrow and use less maple syrup.

Problem # 2: I am addicted to food.

I haven't felt that hungry all day, I mean I would get a growly tummy occasionally but it would stop with a glass of lemonade. However, the more I see food the more I want it! I'm craving a huge pizza and a milkshake! Anything greasy will do!

So far it's going great though!

I'll update again tomorrow!

My college years are coming to a close.

Just in case any of you were worried about me :) 1. Interview 10-15 people 2. Begin writing senior essay. 3. Choose topic for HEL paper. 4. Write HEL paper. 5. Do project for L&R. 6. Keep up with internet class every week. *I'm ahead here! :) 7. Continue planning for wedding. 8. Keep house clean. 9. Gym 4 times a week. Because of everything above, this has not been happening. NEW THINGS: 10. Florist The semester is winding down, but I still have a paper to write by Wednesday.. After that I should be a lot less stressed, though. I'm taking a break this weekend to go down and visit my Daddy and Liz for Spring Fling, so this should be a relaxing weekend. The wedding is coming along. After buying bridesmaids dresses and sending them back and ordering new ones, I got pretty freaked out, but that's all resolved now. I still think I'm going to put all my colors together and they're not going to match and it might just be horrible (but fingers crossed that it'll work out as well). I still need a florist. We bought our cake, it's going to be amazing. We booked our photographer (Thank you Sarah, I should have your check to you soon!) That's about all I can think of right now. If any of you have any good ideas for a paper topic for the History of the English Language, I'd love to hear it. :) I'll write soon.

A while.

I have not written in weeks. Right now, I might be more stressed than I have ever been in my life.

Let's take a look at my to do list.

1. Interview 10-15 people

2. Begin writing senior essay.

3. Choose topic for HEL paper.

4. Write HEL paper.

5. Do project for L&R.

6. Keep up with internet class every week.

7. Continue planning for wedding.

8. Keep house clean.

9. Gym 4 times a week.

Those are the only things I can think of at this point; I'm trying to push everything out of my mind so I can keep the stress at a minimum.

Also not in the list is "eat, sleep and use potty" which just aren't fitting into my schedule too well right now.

I want to lose 1o lbs.

May 15: get here soon please. (Unless the above list hasn't been finished which in that case means you can hold off a little longer).

Pictures

Here are a few pictures I took over the weekend.

Here is a picture I took of the chapel where I'm getting married! Isn't it gorgeous?

I didn't take this one, but it was taken with my camera outside in the park in a tree. :)

Adelyn Elyse French

I have a new namesake. :)

Tara and Adam had their baby, Adelyn Elyse French on March 1, 2010 at 2:55 p.m. She was 7 lb. 12 oz. and 20 inches long, and look at what a cutie she is!

Keep in mind that this is a picture from a cell phone so it's definitely not the best quality. I'm sure they'll have many more to come (pictures that is)!

Love you guys! Can't wait to see your new addition.

Sony A330

I got a new camera yesterday! That means that I might turn this into a photography blog, too! I'm really excited about it! :)

Confessions of a blonde addict.

So, as most of you know, I've been a blonde most of my life. I haven't really seen my natural hair color since probably 6th grade or so. In the last year I started dying it platinum blonde and I absolutely LOVED it for the first 2 weeks or so. Once the roots hit, it's all over. Beautiful blonde hair starts looking more like trailer park trash and the process starts all over again. Bleach, tone, tone tone tone. If you go blonde, you're a slave to it. Every six weeks (or two for me) you're back at the salon (bathroom for me) and the wheels on the bus go round and round..

So, recently I decided that I didn't want to deal with my blonde hair anymore! I was tired of messing with it every few weeks and I just wanted a break. So, I dyed it brown. Boy, my hair is way darker than I imagined. I always thought I had dirty blonde hair under there still. Nope, it's definitely brown. You know how I know? We left the roots alone when we dyed it and right now, they're darker than the rest of my hair.

So, after all of my hair adventures, I just want everyone to know that I absolutely love my hair right now. Even though it's in horrible condition and I need a haircut like, every two weeks (although I'm not getting one) I'm so pleased that I don't have to dye it all the time. I think I'll need to get a darker color on it one more time just to even it out a little more and to get all the blonde spots that were stubborn, but other than that, I'm so happy to finally be natural and break free of the blonde. :)

STDs

So, by now I'm hoping everyone has received their save the dates. I've found out, however, that no one is noticing the website that I wrote on the back of the envelopes. Maybe I should've made it more obvious.

My coffee has gotten cold, so I'm pretending that it's iced coffee and then it's not so gross.

My kitty is falling asleep on the table sitting up, I hope she doesn't fall although it would be really cute. Why are kitties so darn cute?!

As you can tell, I really don't have much to say in this blog except that I still have so much to do. Add that stuff onto my already long list of school work and you're looking at one busy girl. I think I'm suppressing all of the stress but it'll probably hit me all at once in the near future, and that will be scary for all of you.

I didn't do so well on my first exam in History of the English Language. Hopefully I can make up for it. I also have no idea how to begin my capstone and I really should already be working on the outline by now. I also want to apply to graduate school, but I'm not really sure how. And I need to make myself a resume.

Can I please have a stunt double or something of the like to complete all these tasks for me? Please.

How is the semester for all of you so far? Stressing out yet?

Conscious Eating Habits

So, I wanted to discuss the topic of eating habits and diets.

It really concerns me that people get "eating healthy" confused with "eating in order to lose weight" which are two completely different things. I am a very judgmental person when I go grocery shopping. I look in people's carts and I judge them based on what they're eating ( I know, it's bad..but I can't help it). I see so many things that just make me think "You cannot be an educated person if you're buying that crap!"
Picking out foods that say "fat free", "sugar free" or "no sugar added" does not mean you're picking out healthy foods. Usually, they replace the sugar with chemicals that are way worse for you! Picking out foods with low calories also doesn't mean you're picking out foods that are good for you. Diet coke may have fewer calories than a regular coke, but if you're going to pick one based on how healthy they are, go with the regular coke. Diet coke is filled with aspartame. However, regular coke is horrible, too considering it's filled with high fructose corn syrup (don't let the commercials fool you into thinking it's good for you!) So, you really shouldn't be drinking either, but if you had to choose, pick the regular coke!

Eating healthier means looking at the ingredients of the things you're eating. Picking organic over regular. Cooking your own meals occasionally instead of picking up a burger from McDonalds. Eating healthier means knowing what you're putting into your bodies. Sure, sometimes I don't follow the rules and I have a soda or eat something that's sugar free, but I'm not ignorant to the fact that I'm doing it. I'm just very concerned that most people have no idea what's going into their bodies and to me, that's really scary. Be conscious of what you're eating, how you're eaten, and even how often you're eating.

I don't think it's okay to just trust the companies that put food on the shelves. We need to be aware of what we're eating because we only have one body, and don't you want to take care of it?

This is just a huge rant of something that's been bothering me for a while and I thought I'd address the topic. What do you think? Do you know what's in your food and what you put into your body?

Bikers

Dear Mr. Bicycle Guy,
I will only respect your rights as a bicyclist, if you you respect my rights as a driver. If you are going to ride down the middle of the street and not let me pass you, go so slow that I cannot get through the intersection before it turns red without killing you and ride down the wrong side of the street, too then I expect you and to stop at all of the stoplights and stop signs just like I have to do. That's what vehicles do that drive down the middle of the street, they respect the traffic laws. You are the worst, most disrespectful biker I have ever encountered and you give bikers everywhere a bad name.

Something is finally finished.

Every single one of my Save The Dates are sealed in an envelope, addressed and stamped. Relief? Yes.

Now, all that's left to do is everything else on the list. At least one thing is checked off now though!

Robert and I had our Valentines Day early this year. We went to dinner at O last night and exchanged gifts and saw a movie today. I got a month of tanning sessions and a big ol' teddy bear. I've never gotten a big teddy bear for Valentines Day, so I'm in love with Mr. Bear. He's big enough that he can hold me while I'm sitting on him. :) Love.

Found it.

The pictures on this website are basically what I want my wedding to look like. Especially the last wedding on the page. I love the sweetheart lemonade. :)

Shabby Chic Weddings

Shabby Chic

I've decided I want a "shabby-chic" wedding. I've never really liked the whole idea of shabby-chick, but for a wedding I think it might just be completely gorgeous. I want little jars with ribbon for centerpieces with little candles. I want kind of antique-y things and really pretty pinks. This picture is kind of the idea that I'm looking for. There was another one I looked at that I liked more, however now I can't find it.

Arguments

Planning a wedding has to be the most stressful thing I've ever experienced in my life.

Why does my husband-to-be decide he wants to be involved in making the guest list after all of the save the dates are ready to be mailed out in sealed envelopes? Why does he decide today that he wants to take his distant relatives that he's never met off of the list and add his coworkers. Just two days ago I was asking him if he really wanted these not so close family members on the list because he didn't know them and he said yes, yes, yes. Just 2 months ago he said he didn't want any of his coworkers at the wedding because we wanted it to be a small wedding with only the people we were closest to. Today he says that I'm crazy for not adding more people to the list of 145 because the chapel holds 130 and half of them won't even attend. Just 2 months ago we had both agreed that we wanted a small wedding of no more than 75.

Am I imagining that all this had happened or am I crazy? I'm almost positive that I've been begging him to help me with this list for months.

I would've loved for you to be involved, Dear, but not after the save the dates were sealed in already addressed envelopes, ready to be put in the mail tomorrow.

STDs?

Today, I discovered that "save the date" can be shortened to S.T.D and it made me chortle. I also discovered that if you don't have all of the addresses of your guests, you can't finish addressing your save the dates.

I have so many things that need to be accomplished in order to have this wedding and I keep putting them off assuming that future Ashley will get them done later. I don't ever take into consideration that future Ashley is probably just as lazy as present Ashley.

This will have to be short since my computer is dying.

=)

Beginning Of A Blog.

I decided to create this blog in order to vent and rant about the stress that will be my last semester at University and the 6 months leading up to my June wedding.

Expect more to come, or not - depending how stressful these six months actually become.

I hope to write more though.